Its a topic that we don’t often touch upon but having lived this journey just recently myself, i feel I owe it to my fellow mummys and mummys to be to share this postpartum whirlwind with you that I hope will resonate with some of out BBG community.
Becoming a parent is a rollercoaster in every sense, people tell you all about it but it’s not until you experience it first hand you realise just what a journey it is.
It’s the most magical time, the happiest time and its probable that you feel a love that no other previous love has come close to before. But then there’s also the bit that no one tells you about; that parenthood is like a night shift that never ends, that you experience physical changes that can make you feel like a stranger in your own body, that you ACTUALLY do have the ability to cry about VIRTUALLY anything on demand or how lonely it can be even when you are surrounded by friends and family.
In the early days, I remember looking at my body in the mirror and instead of thinking “wow – look at this magical body which has just bought a healthy baby boy into the world” and embracing it, i thought “who is this person looking back at me in the mirror?” with excess skin and fat in places I’d never seen before. This week, from a less exhausted version of me, I’ve taken the time to reflect on the last 26 weeks (where has time gone??) since my baby boy was born and I wanted to share my findings with you in this article that will perhaps be of use to some of you with your own journeys:
1 . Child birth is a trauma and postnatal care should not be underrated – it really doesn’t matter what kind of birth you’ve been through, whether it be natural or with intervention – your body has stretched and flexed in ways that you couldn’t have ever imagined, your hormones have worked relentlessly to bring your little one to the world and it’s exhausting. The 9 months of pregnancy, the waiting, the worrying and the pushing have prepared you to be the best mother you can possibly be. IT IS A BIG DEAL and it should be talked about openly, if you are finding it hard to process then there’s lots of help on hand, talk to your health visitor or gp. Allow yourself time to recover and be kind.
You certainly wouldn’t have a knee op and be in training the next day, why are we treating child birth that way?
2. “Happy mother, happy baby“ – never were truer words spoken. Yes you are now a mum but you are also still you and it’s okay to continue enjoying the things you did before. Whether it be a coffee with friends or even just a visit to your local gym to walk on the treadmill in order to see friendly and familiar faces, if it brings a smile to your face, it must be done.
3. Make time for me time – this is one I did not do and in time I have paid the price. Mum guilt is a real thing and it stops you from doing all sorts. If you are feeling alienated like I did with your body or are just keen to get back training, seek advice, take your time and be sensible. You now know your body better than ever before, so listen to it – be gentle.
4. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Of course you would like to snap back to how you were pre-pregnancy but it doesn’t work like that for everyone and there are lots of factors that contribute to the time it takes to get back to where you were (lack sleep/broken sleep, irregular meal times, the list goes on…). Be realistic, set yourself a goal and work to it at a steady pace. Setting unrealistic goals will only leave you feeling overwhelmed.
5. Leave the comparisons to comparethemarket.com – you are on your own journey, just because Bettys baby from your local mum and baby group sleeps through the night, feeds at regular interviews and Bettys already back in her size 10 jeans, it doesn’t mean thats where you should be. We are so quick to compare ourselves to others without any information. It’s not a race, your pre pregnancy jeans will be there in 3 weeks and in 3 years, it doesn’t actually matter if they never fit again, you need to do what’s right for you, not what everyone else expects.
6. It’s about health not looks – this one is so important and one I can’t talk about enough. Just the other day, I was watching Kayla Fitness on Instagram comparing to how she looks after giving birth and finding myself feeling sad and annoyed. Nights are long when you become a mother, whether you bottle feed or breast feed, it’s exhausting, it’s not realistic to follow a 1300 calorie-a-day diet when your main goal is to get through the day in one piece. Your hormones are still settling down – so take one thing at a time. Eat well, feel well, keep moving and your body will thank and reward you for it in its own time.
My New mum survival tips:
1. Get walking – our baby carrier is the best purchase by far and one of the only ways our little Finn would settle in the early days. I walk at least 15-20k steps a day which certainly has contributed to faster recovery, baby weight loss and it has kept me from losing my marbles on more than one occasion. It’s also great bonding for partners too and can be styled as you like
2. Call in help – request your favourite meals from friends and family and make sure you eat Well. Ask them to cook, to clean, to hold the baby while you have a shower or go for a wee in peace – that’s what they are for.
3. Don’t wing it – seek advice from a post natal specialist. I started Pilates after my 6 week check up and it was a new experience for me but i loved. Keri, my lovely instructor is very knowledgable and has helped me understand what my body needs to fully recover.
4. If you’re not feeling yourself, speak up. Mental health is so important and there’s no shame in admitting that you need help. I had counselling for 6 weeks and I really felt the benefits of speaking with someone who had no relation to me, it also forced me to take an hour for myself where I wouldn’t normally have taken it.
Of course, This is just my personal journey, I’m sure many of you are going through the motions too so I hope this article helps you to remind you that you are doing a FAB job and that you are certainly not alone.
much love,
tilly
